A Little Bit of Life

So I know its been like a month since I've wrote on here so I'll try to update it a little bit. My life is still as confusing as ever but my outlook has improved. I've been working for a few weeks now and things have been going pretty well. Its not hard at all, or at least not yet. When it gets warmer it may be a different story though. I've also made some new friends which is always good. I'm still working on remembering everyone's names though. There's a lady that works there, her name is Suzie, but I've called her Rosie I don't know how many times lol. They're still working with my church/Bible college/Bible study schedule but the week after next I have to be there at 6am a few days, so if you see me and I look like a zombie, that's why.

At church we've been really focusing on being prepared so that we can witness to people and bring others to Christ, it makes me happy because its like we're preparing for battle, which I guess we kind of are. This summer we're doing this thing where we go out into the community on sunday nights, I'm excited/nervous about it, but I know as long as we're bringing glory to God it will be great. I've also been writing Christian songs and poems lately. I figured if I have a talent I should use it for God, I think its mostly Him helping me do it though because if I don't pray before hand, everything I come up with is lame lol.

On the subject of school... I have sent in everything to LU except the money part of it. I really do need to do my fafsa soon, but I think I'm going to put down a few schools just in case. I'm still not sure what I'm doing to be perfectly honest. I know that last month I was leaning more towards counselor but now its more towards being an art teacher. I'm sure God will make His plan for me clear in His time. : )

Oh, and the most stressful thing that's happened to me lately is I was in a car accident. I was driving past Davincis in Abingdon and a lady was in the median and she was going to go across the street to get on the exit 19 on ramp and didn't see me, so she t-boned my car... she was really nice about everything and so far her insurance (state farm) has been super helpful and everything has went smoothly. I talked to the body repair shop today and they told me that the insurance company would probably go ahead and total it out because of how expensive it would be to fix it. So I suppose after they settle with me I will be on the search for a new car. I'm just hoping they let me keep the rental car for a little while so I'll have my own transportation. I hate having to rely on people to take me places. But it'll all work out, I guess God decided I needed a new car lol.

So I guess that's about it, well other than the obvious and the randomness of my everyday life. Hopefully I'll remember to do this again before another month goes by, so until next time. : )

-JB

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Puzzle Pieces

I'm so confused in life right now, and not just about school and the direction that everything is going, I'm confused about everything. You think that you're okay and you have everything figured out and then everything comes crashing down and you don't know where you stand. I've been told that I can't go back in time and change anything so I should just make the best of the situation that I'm in now and to trust God. That's good advice if my emotions and the regret that I hold wasn't so overbearing. I know that I should just focus on God and that everything else will fall into place in His time but sometimes in life that's difficult. Things happen and they're not as easy as buying a new puzzle and having all the pieces fall into place. Sometimes you can't find the right piece, or you've lost it, or its found its way into another box. My puzzle is missing quite a few pieces and I'm not even sure where to start looking, so that I can complete the picture. I know this is depressing and I apologize, I've just felt lost for the past few days and writing helps sometimes. I go for orientation friday so I'm hoping that working will get my mind off everything. I just wish things would start to get easier. I guess that's all for now, I may write again later...

-JB

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This N That

So I called Home Depot today to check on things because I hadn't heard from them, and they told me everything came back good (of course) and that orientation is on friday the 18th. I'm excited! : D This not only gives me a job that will work around church but also a 25% discount on my cell phone bill, a chance to make new friends, and even a witnessing opportunity. I also think that I'm going to apply to LU again for the fall semester. I've prayed that if it isn't Gods will for me to go there that He will close that door and I won't be accepted. Career wise I'm still not sure what major I want to take but there are a few things that I've been leaning towards lately, which are: a counselor, art teacher, english teacher, or something in photography or graphic design. I know that's all over the place but I've prayed for God to place the desire in my heart for what He wants me to do and I'm hoping at the right time I will know. Today I'm leaning more towards counselor but who knows lol. I just want to do something to make a difference and I kind of want to work with people at a high school or college level. I'm in the drama team at church which I suppose is a ministry but I feel like I should be doing more, I guess that will work itself out in time as well. I've got this horrible issue of wanting to know everything now and that's just not how God works. In the youth group Bj is trying to get us ready for this summer, which I'm really excited about. We're going to be going out into the community and doing skits and stuff and witnessing and praying for people. Its going to be awesome! I'll have to work on being less anti-social for this one, which will be good for me. I guess that's all for now. I have to go to In the Country and give my notice and have bible study at 8. I may see if Bam wants to hang out before then. And I'm starving so food will also be in the near future. Until next time! : )

<3 JB

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Random Ramblings

Last night was the super bowl, Steelers vs the Packers, Packers won. If you have a facebook or watch tv or are social at all then you probably already know that. I went to a super bowl party at FBC (First Baptist Church) but I didn't come to watch the game. I go to Holston football games but that's mostly because I want to hang out and support my friends that are playing. I have no real passion for the sport. I came to hear an awesome speaker named Mark Estep, and he didn't disappoint. His message was titled being a champion for Christ, which was a little weird because I'm pretty sure that is what Liberty University says they strive to achieve in their students. I really enjoyed listening to his message even though it was mostly things I've heard a million times, things like salvation, and the fruits of the spirit, and praying for God to bring to our attention things in our lives that are displeasing to Him. I understand why he spent a lot of time on those things though because, well they're important and a lot of the people that we're there just came because they were invited by a friend to watch the super bowl and get free food, and some may have needed to hear that message. You can tell from reading my previous posts that I've been praying for direction from God in my life. For Him to lead me into what career He wants for me and what He wants me to do for Him. I had planned on going to LU this spring but I stressed out so much about it I ended up withdrawing my application. I'm just afraid of making a decision without being 100% sure it's of God, because I for one don't have the money to pay for something that I'm not supposed to do. I know that God provides for His people. I have been looking for a job for a while now that would work with my church schedule. Which means I would have to have monday evenings (bible college), wednesday evenings (church), friday evenings (bible study), and sundays (church) off. My family continuously told me that in this day and time that I wasn't going to find that and that I needed to stop worrying about my church schedule and just get a job. I told them that I had faith that God would send me a job that would work around church and He did. I had a feeling one day that I needed to text my friend Vinnie. We talked for a little bit and I ended up telling him about my job hunt, he proceeded to tell me that his place of employment (Home Depot) was hiring and that they would work around my schedule. I applied, went to the interview, got the job, and now I'm just waiting on the drug test to come back so I can start work. It was easy for me to trust Him in this situation but college is expensive and it's away from home with people I don't know. My fears are that I will be in debt for a long time, or its not really what God wants or that I will fail. As I was writing this I get a scholarship email wanting me to apply, go figure lol. Just, last night when Mark said the name of his message "Being a champion for Christ", Liberty popped into my head. I know that fear is not of the Lord but its really hard when most of your family is making a big deal about the money situation and wanting you to just go to VHCC (Virginia Highlands Community College), get a two year degree, get a job, get married, and have kids. You may think I'm joking or that that's very old fashioned but I'm not and it is, but that's my family for ya. But in my mind I feel as if God has something bigger planned for my life, something that I can do to glorify Him greatly and in all that I do. I guess all I can do is continue to pray and hopefully it will become clear soon.

In other news, my friend Aj drug me to this horrible church yesterday before we went to listen to Mark. I mean I guess to some people its an awesome church but it was no One Way Ministries. Her friend is the pastor there and had invited her and she didn't want to go alone, and that's how I got sucked into it. We got there at 6pm and the pastor didn't start preaching till fifteen till 7. Aj had already told him that we would have to leave early so hopefully no one was deeply offended when we left at 6:50. But to give a brief over view of this experience, everyone prayed out loud together, we sang hymns with no music, and when preaching did start, he screamed at us. I tried to get Aj to let me take him a microphone and explain that he no longer needed to scream but she objected. I'm honestly worried about the guys health. He screamed so much he turned red. But the odd thing about this whole situation is Aj and I never expected him to be a screaming preacher, he is so calm and quiet to talk to. I guess that proves the saying you can't judge a book by its cover. I appreciate my church and everyone in it so much more now though. I love OWM, I honestly don't think I could find another church that I feel so at home in. Its not like any other church I've ever been to, they are my family.

O! And an update on friday night CBS (College Bible Study), its awesome! : ) Its been said that its only lasting till the end of March but I think that so far its been very beneficial and attendance has been great so hopefully we will continue it beyond that point.

Well I guess I'm going to go try to find something to eat and read for a bit. Until next time! <3

-JB
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Wind

Today is a really windy day, and it kind of makes me think of how the past couple years I've went in a million different directions. I think maybe it's because the wind is blowing everything around outside that brought that to mind. When I was in college I changed my major at least 5 times and have nothing to show for it, I've fallen in and out of Church, and I've moved a lot. I was reading in Psalm, and I came across a few verses that stood out to me. In Psalm 78:34-39, it says:

34 When He slew them, then they sought Him; And they returned and sought earnestly for God.
35 Then they remembered that God was their rock, And the Most High God their Redeemer.
36 Nevertheless they flattered Him with their mouth, And they lied to Him with their tongue;
37 For their heart was not steadfast with Him, Nor were they faithful in His covenant.
38 But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, And did not destroy them. Yes, many a time He turned His anger away, And did not stir up all His wrath;
39 For He remembered that they were but flesh, A breath that passes away and does not come again.

The Israelites were witnesses to some great works of God. He parted the red sea, made water come from a rock, gave them food to eat, led them with a cloud by day and a fire by night, and yet they still sinned against Him and did not believe in his wondrous works. It says "When He slew them, then they sought Him; And they returned and sought earnestly for God. Then they remembered that God was their rock, And the Most High God their Redeemer." God had to remind them that He was their God and when He put them in a tough situation, they began to seek Him again. They remembered that God was their rock and their redeemer. I hear people complain all the time about how things in their life are bringing them down and their having a rough time, but maybe God is just trying to get them to seek Him. Every time that I fell out of Church my life fell apart. This last time, I'm pretty sure I was close to rock bottom. I got back into church and started seeking God again and things started getting better, not necessarily in the sense that all my problems just disappeared but the fact that I wasn't trying to do it on my own, that I had Him there with me every step of the way. Being a Christian isn't always easy, you can ask anyone that professes Jesus Christ as their savior and they'll tell you that. We are actually told in the Bible to expect suffering. But God has a plan, and if we earnestly seek Him it will all work out for the good. And when we mess up, because it will happen, we all fall short, God is compassionate, He sent His Son to die for us, so that if we would accept Him, our sins would be washed away. So that we could stand in the presence of God, blameless and holy, so that we can have a relationship with Him. I don't like comparing myself to the Israelites, but I, like them have been like the wind, and gone in every direction except the one God has wanted for me, and I have complained along the way. I know a lot of us can say that, but isn't it so much better to seek after God and give Him control over your life, instead of having to hit rock bottom before asking Him to help you back up? I'm not saying that every time we go through a rough patch that its because we're not seeking God, because everyone goes through hard times in their lives, I'm only saying that its for a reason. We may not know the reason or understand at the time why we are suffering but God knows the plans He has for us, plans for a hope and a future.

-JB
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Experiences Vs Possessions

Last night I went to Handmade's concert and then had an airsoft war with some friends. Both were pretty awesome : ) After that I took people home and went home myself. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up till like 4:30 a.m. My mind was just everywhere, thinking has always been my downfall. Today I got up at like 1:30, yeah I pretty much slept all day lol. After I got up I exercised, ate, and watched a movie, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood. The movie just ended and it is now 5:16. I just keep pondering over how I got to where I am today. I have memories of my life, just as everyone does, but most of it is just a blur. In six months I'll be 22 years old, and what do I have to show for it? I have had experiences in my life that hopefully will be stored in my memories the remainder of my life. Experiences I wouldn't trade for anything with some of the best friends I could ask for. But in all seriousness in twenty years, when I look back, what will I remember of it? I know that I need to pray about what God wants me to do in my life, what my purpose is, but right now I don't feel like I'm making a difference. I give advice here and there but am I really bringing glory to God in anything I do? I don't really care if I have a fancy car, a big house, or a lot of money, I mean I get a mansion in heaven that will last forever, why would I want one down here that will just waste away? I mean I want to have enough money to have a house and a car and be able to support a family one day, but I don't think one should base their life off achieving that. That's not our purpose. I do want to be in a career though that I enjoy, that I don't hate to get up and go to everyday. I hold the quality of my life over the quantity of things that I own. I do realize that here in this world we sometimes have to make sacrifices and suffer for the good but God loves us and I don't believe He would want us to be in a position where we would be miserable everyday for no cause. I hope in twenty years when I look back at this point in my life, I remember what God was doing in my life, my amazing friends, the experiences that I've had. I suppose I just need to keep seeking God and He will lead me into what I'm supposed to do with my life. I plan to be in prayer about what I can do to further bring glory to Him as well. In the end God's plan will prevail. : )

-JB

Near Death...

Last night I went to sleep around 4 a.m., at 4:30ish I woke up gasping for air. Realizing that I had just had a dream, I laid there in shock evaluating the dream that at the time felt so real. In the dream I was in the car with my aunt, I was driving, she was in the passenger seat. As I was driving my vision started getting blurry. I told her to take the wheel. She asked why and I said just take the wheel. She reached over and took the wheel while I tried to figure out what was happening. My vision seemed a little better so I told her I thought I was okay and took over driving. I remember driving a bit further and seeing a bale of hay in the road. After that things got fuzzy again and I blacked out. When I came to I was really close to the windshield. I wasn't wearing a seat belt and came close to going through the windshield but didn't. I could see car parts lying all over the pavement and could smell something burning. I tried to yell at Vickie to ask if she was okay but couldn't. I then realized that she was trying to pull me out of the car. I could feel the air bag and the seat as she pulled me out onto the asphalt. I laid there looking up at the dark sky and the smoke that was rising into the air. I prayed for God to help me. I tried to speak but couldn't, I was choking on my own blood. It was hard for me to breathe. My last thought before waking up was, this is it, I'm going to die.

-JB