Life from my eyes, love from my heart.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Respect
Monday, May 12, 2014
Am I lost?
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
Growing up I've had several people in my life that have helped raise me. I've learned a lot from every one of them because they have experienced different things and have different views of the world to offer. I think maybe that's why I'm so open minded to what others think. I don't always, or normally don't, agree with what others think, but I am open to the idea that they could be right, or the fact that in their reality that maybe that's what they need to believe. I'm so thankful for every one of these people. I don't think that I show them that enough. That makes me feel selfish on most days. It's just really hard for me to find a balance to life. How do you find the time for everyone you feel like you need time for, still make time for yourself, and fulfill your responsibilities? Maybe it's something I still have to grow into. I always try to plan everything out and fit everything neatly into a schedule, but life just doesn't work that way. I hope that these people that have tried so hard to ensure my happiness are proud of the person I am becoming. I hate the thought of disappointing people. To an extent you have to live life to make yourself happy, but I feel like it's equally important to make sure those around you are happy too. Showing love to others and spreading smiles is what keeps this world from being a dismal place. Lately I've been a little bit more down than usual and I haven't been showing kindness as a side effect. I'm going to start showing little acts of kindness again because not only does it make me happy but it makes others happy as well. I read somewhere once that if you're sad you should do something for someone else because that is one of the most uplifting things you can do. They were right. Sometimes you don't even feel like showing kindness when you start and by the end you're happy that you did. Seeing the smiles on the faces of the people that you've helped is payment enough for any time or money that you may have spent. I'm thankful that my family instilled in me a good heart. There are people I meet daily that unfortunately weren't as lucky. Not that they couldn't still change the way they view the world, but it's just easier if you know how to look at things in a positive light from an early age. Always looking for the silver lining.
I guess today I'm trying to look for the silver lining in the fact that I lost my baby this year. Even though I never got to meet him, I named him Aiden King. Not many people know this fact but that doesn't make it any less true. It being Mother's Day, and close to the time that I would have given birth, it makes today a little bleh for me. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant I wasn't really that excited because it wasn't planned at all. I didn't even think I could get pregnant because of some other issues that I had had prior. It was a shock to say the least. As the weeks went by though I became very fond of the thought that there was a life growing inside of me and that one day I would hold it in my arms and love it forever. I became really protective of it. Then I had the dream that I lost it. Since my dreams have a bad habit of coming true I tried to brace myself for what I feared was coming. It didn't help at all. I went to the hospital one day because I had a horrible feeling that something was wrong, and I was right. My baby had stopped growing. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Devin was there for me and helped comfort me along with some of my friends and family. Dev tried to get me to see the silver lining by saying that it wasn't under the right circumstances, and he was right. It doesn't take away the fact that I fell in love with something that I could never see or hold. I know that my life probably wouldn't be where it is now if things hadn't happened the way they did so in a way I'm thankful for the way things turned out, but the other half of me just wishes that I hadn't had to give up something I loved. People say that there's nothing like a mother's love, they're right. It's probably the strongest emotion that I've ever felt in my life. The connection. The love I have for Devin is probably as strong but we're connected but in a different sense. Probably a more important sense. I feel like I'm connected to Devin through my mind, my heart, and my spirit. When we have a child it's going to be the best child in the entire universe, ever. If it's anything like him then it will be perfect.
Some days I want a baby now. I see other people and their children and I want that. Then other days I think about how different life would be with a child and I don't think I'm ready. I am just so afraid that I'll end up having to lose time with Devin and us not get to be silly like we are now. I don't get to see him enough as I'd like now. If we had a child, we'd have to find a bigger place so we'd have room for the baby and all it's things, we'd have to try and work as much as possible so we could give our child everything that it needed/wanted, and we'd have to make sure that we could work, spend time together, and spend time as a family to give our child the attention that it needed. Having a child is a big commitment. Even if it's not soon, I know that one day Devin and I will have a family together. We're a family of two now, but one day we'll make it grow. I know that Devin will be an amazing father. I just hope that I can be the mother that it deserves and the wife that Devin deserves.
I guess that's all for today. I'm going to try to motivate myself to get some things accomplished. Talk to ya soon! (:
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Breaths We Take
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Forgotten Love
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Privileged Prisoners?
in their concrete world
Can we not escape it
From fear of letting go
of the comfort
We do as we please
as we abide by their rules
Keeping us contained with gadgets
but we don't
Open your eyes
see the repetition
Like hamsters in cages
habitually going to their wheel
Going through life repeating
over and over
day after day
Our days are spent
they've won
Successfully keeping us at bay
Tamed
Domesticated
Everything running smoothly
somewhat
in their grand plan
Their vision of perfection
Taking away creativity
No one thinks
Technology disables
Ensuring we have no ideas
Ideas may lead to revolt
A rebellion
Ideas could lead to freedom
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
When the sun rises again we shall start anew.
We've all heard it said you need to give your whole life to God. Some people shudder at the thought because we only get one life here on earth, and we don't know how long we'll have here. We could die tomorrow. So if you think about it each day could be the rest of our lives. We are all called to pick up our crosses and die to ourselves daily, to be servants of God. It may seem like a lot to give your whole life for an inheritance, but what if you just gave today and worried about tomorrow when it arrived. Just living life one day at a time. Giving your life one day at a time.
Sometimes we will have days where we mess up. Where we live for ourselves. But when those days happen we can't continuously beat ourselves up over it, we have to recognize our wrongs and learn from our mistakes. When the sun rises again we shall start anew.
The greatest commandment is to love the Lord thy God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and the second, to love your neighbor as yourself. Serving God means living for Him, and living for Him means showing love through Him. We need to try and see people as He sees them, and serve as though we truly are His hands and feet. Working to heal the broken, bring hope to the hopeless, and light to the darkness.
God gave His only Son so that by accepting Him we could gain His inheritance. Not only to enter into the kingdom of heaven from the parting of this world, but to enjoy life more abundantly through Him on earth as well. It's only our reasonable service to serve Him after accepting such an amazing and free gift. There's no conditions tied to Gods love, but His Word states if we love Him we will obey His commandments.
This life is short. Like a vapor in the wind and then it's gone. What will you choose? Where is your eternity? Will you live as if you'll never die, and when tomorrow comes and you're standing before the throne will God say depart from me for I never knew you? Or will you live for God, so that He will say enter in my good and faithful servant?
At this a lyric comes to mind, "better is one day in your quarts than thousands elsewhere". One day in heaven is like a thousand here. Could you spare but a day for your Creator, your Savior, the Lover of your soul? A day to absorb yourself in his Word, to talk to Him, to get to know Him, to serve Him. Sometimes we look at a hill and see a mountain. Sometimes we look at a day and see a lifetime. How will you spend yours?