Its 2:14 a.m. As I lay here in bed I start to think, which on a normal day is a very dangerous thing, but today is different. Today has been a really good day for me. And when I say today I don't mean the 2 hours of the day that I'm in, I'm referring to the time since I woke up until now haha : ) Anyways, most of today I've spent by myself, listening to contemporary Christian music, eating, watching cartoons (yes I am 21 years old and still watch cartoons :P), reading, doing laundry, folding/putting away clothes, until my aunt came home and I helped her measure rooms for the hardwood floors she wants, and watched an exercise cd with her while sitting in recliners (unproductive, yes, but we plan to start this routine tomorrow ^_^), I watched a little bit more tv, read a little more, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and now here we are. So I'm just going to share a little bit of what's on my mind this early morning.....I'm not currently in school or working and I don't have a boyfriend, sounds depressing right? Actually at this present moment in time, I'm happy. I should probably be upset about all three of these facts, and most of the time I stress out about them a lot, but right now I'm okay with it. God has a plan for my life and I just have to trust Him. I'll explain my current situation a bit further. I am employed but because of the season I'm not getting any hours, but hopefully I will have another job soon. I applied to the home depot and they have sent off my background check so I'm hoping that's a good sign. School, well that's a story in itself but the gist of it is I have no idea what career God is leading me into. I honestly believe that He will guide me into what I am supposed to do. I've been wanting to learn sign language so I may save up money and go and take classes for my certificate in that. I'm just going to pray about it and see which direction God sends me in. In Psalm it says He will direct our steps, so I'm just holding onto that. Lately I've been reading a lot in the book of Psalm. I'm trying to read at least five chapters a day so I can finish it in a month, that's my goal at least. And to the subject of a boyfriend... I actually broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years a little over a year ago. It had been a year on December 24th, Christmas eve, I know that sounds awful, but I guess stuff happens. To be perfectly honest I'm not entirely sure why it fell apart, and it really wasn't all that bad, he is a really great guy, I just felt like we had drifted apart, like it wasn't equal, like our relationship wasn't as important. I'm not sure if that makes sense but regardless it ended. This past Christmas was rough because all I could think about was what a horrible person I was for doing that to him, especially around the holidays, but I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't be where I am today if we were still together. I wouldn't be as close to God as I am now and I wouldn't have the awesome friends that I have grown to love with everything in me. I have no clue what I would have done if they hadn't been there for me. At one point this year I fell out of church, I got into things of my past, partying and such. My friends didn't give up on me, and God didn't give up on me. When I'm stupid and I stray away, no matter how big or small the mistakes, He always brings me back to Him. He is my first love and I don't ever want to let Him go. I am just working now to get as close to Him as I can and to seek direction in my life. He will send me my perfect match when the time is right. It may be a stranger, someone I'm going to meet in the future, or it could be a friendship that will grow into something more. I don't know the plan that God has for my life but I know He'll take care of me and all my needs. I feel strongly that He is molding me and my future husband into who we need to be, for Him, and for each other. I know I'll worry about these things again, so I'm not going to lie and say I won't, but it really is pointless, and I'm hoping that I can look back at this and feel the feeling I have now, of peace. Peace and joy from God because I'm trusting Him with my life and not trying to fix it all on my own. I've got bills I'm not going to have the money to pay come the first of the month, my "you're about to run out of gas light" aka idiot light, is on, and still no hours, but I have faith that my needs will be met. I have an awesome family that has helped me out a lot through my financial troubles and I am truly grateful for them. God has blessed me with so much in this life and I don't deserve any of it. He has given me so much, I honestly owe Him everything, all of me, my whole life.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. -Matthew 10:39
That's all for tonight I suppose its been exactly an hour since I started writing this. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.
-JB
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
-Marilyn Monroe
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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