Who's counting?

July 17, 1989... this was the day I was born. It doesn't feel like I've been on this earth for 22 years. I feel like I've done nothing with my life, with the time God has so graciously given me. I don't know how long I'll have in this small, yet overwhelmingly mass world I live in, but I hope I have long enough to make some sort of difference. Long enough to fulfill at least one of my dreams. Long enough to feel like I've lived.

I live my everyday life going through the motions mostly. Work, sleep, church, friends, being lazy... school will be added to this list in the fall. But what is it all for? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the most part, but sometimes it just feel like somethings missing. Sometimes I think the missing link is a guy. Someone to hold me and comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay. But that's not it. Sometimes I think it's because I haven't excelled and completed school like I had hoped to do by now. But that's not it either. Other times I think it's just me being silly, looking for something, anything, to make my life less mundane. But that conclusion is wrong as well. I know one day I will find my perfect (the definition of this word is debatable) man, eventually I will finish school and have a career, and I know for a fact life is more than schedules and routines. But I think the main reason I feel like there has to be more and as if something is missing is because I've drifted away from God. I've tried filling the void with everything except the obvious solution. I want love, peace, happiness and health in my life. Thats what I strive for. The Bible plainly says He will give me those things if I live for Him. Is that the method I tried to follow to obtain that life? No, of course not. I'm Jess and I'm going to do what I want, how I want. (horrible outlook by the way for those of you that didn't already know) God knows who we are, and He knows the plans He has for us, so why I thought it was a good idea to do this crazy thing called life all on my own is beyond me. I've made some bad choices along the way, but like I said in my previous post, you can still find happiness, you just need to look for it in the right place.

So maybe I haven't accomplished anything in the 22 years I've been alive, but I have learned a few lessons that I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life, no matter how long or short that may be.