Sometimes when you meet people and build relationships with them it blossoms into a wonderful thing. You have mutual respect and understanding for each other. Other times, the way you were raised, your views and opinions of the world, or just who you are in general, clashes so much that you can't stand for them to be a part of your life anymore. When the latter happens, the only things that grow are negativity, bitterness, and resentment. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be in your life. This happened to me this summer.
This summer I met some people and made some decisions that I regret a lot. Many people got hurt, including myself. I'm a fairly strong individual though. I'm more regretful for the pain held onto by others. Myself and these individuals no longer communicate because that's what I found best for everyone involved. It was a rough situation, granted, but I think in the end that most of what happened was for the best. I learned a lot of lessons through this situation. I learned about forgiveness, that everyone has flaws, that sometimes you just can't let go of someone that's affected your life in a tremendous way, that the grass is greener where you water it, and that love conquers all.
Things are a lot better, and happier, now than they were this summer. I have a job that I enjoy. I'm starting to set goals for myself and I plan to stick to them. I'm going to be more dedicated to this blog as well as the new one I'm starting, Abingdon Artists. I'm going to create more. I'm looking for a second, more artistic job, for my second job. I'm also looking for a place to call my own. I have a wonderful best friend that I love to death. She's a constant in my life and I'd honestly go crazy without her and Leo (her 3 year old son, he's great). She's always there for me and always tells me the truth, even if sometimes it's not what I want to hear. She understands who I am and loves me anyway, and she's an overall amazing person. Devin and I are also back together and have a thriving relationship. My life tends to fall into shambles when he's not in it. I couldn't imagine life without him. I hope I'm lucky enough to never have to again. He's so good to me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of a handful at times, well most the time (he says I'm "sassy"), but he has always stood by my side. He says that he's whipped but I think I'm equally as so. All I want is to make him happy and I think he wants that for me as well. He does a good job in ensuring that I am. I love him so much. On top of all of that I have a family who loves me and an awesome group of friends (who I want to kill sometimes but they're still awesome). Overall I've been very blessed in my life.
Speaking of blessed, I've been trying to go to church more and get closer to God again. I've definitely drifted into the world and let it harden my heart to some degree. I want that feeling of closeness and wholeness back. I know that he's never left me so it's my job to restore that. He'll help me of course, but it was I who stepped away from the table. The song Can't Get Away by Rush of Fools comes to mind. It doesn't matter what distractions may enter your life to stray you off the path, God will always have a gold string wrapped around your finger to pull you back to Him. He knows those distractions are only meant for harm and He knows what's best for His children. If only all of us could see this when something shimmers in the distance. It may shimmer but that doesn't make it gold. The devil is very tricky and manipulative. When you get closer the shimmer fades and turns to darkness. If I had any advice for anyone currently chasing the shimmers, I would say, just stay on the path, it may seem difficult right now but in the end you will never want for anything else.
I remember the feeling of being close to God. It was the happiest I had ever been. Trials came and I turned bitter, not understanding that if I just stayed true He would help me through it. I thought I had been abandoned. I now know that the storm was meant to make me stronger and not for harm. We won't always know the reasons for things, but just like in any relationship, trust is key.
In closing, I ask that if you pray, pray for my journey, my relationships, and the people in my life. There are a few people that need prayer in general. I won't add last names but God knows who they are. Please keep Devin, Lauren, Donna, Emily, Lyric, Danica and Mollie in your prayers. They're going through a lot. I'm sure there are others but those came to mind. Thank you for reading and God bless. (:
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